Dispelling the myths about sex in later years

At Compatico, we will shed some light on a topic that’s not often discussed. For many, the idea of seniors enjoying a healthy sex life might seem surprising, yet there’s no reason why it shouldn’t be an open and celebrated topic. As Compatico’s Relationship Expert, Tiare Tolks and Sex Therapist, Alexander Terblanche, explain in this blog, intimacy doesn’t come with an expiry date. In fact, as we age, physical affection can often deepen emotional connections, improve well-being and even offer new, exciting experiences. Here are five points to consider regarding seniors between the sheets.

One of the biggest misconceptions is that intimacy somehow fades away after a certain age. Popular culture often paints a limited picture, typically focusing on younger people when depicting sexuality. ‘It’s a societal thing,’ says Tiare. ‘We see youth and beauty associated with sex in the media, and so older people get this idea that maybe they’re no longer supposed to be sexual beings.’ The reality is that the desire for intimacy doesn’t disappear with age - it evolves.

Contrary to popular belief, many seniors report that their romantic lives improve with age, and a lot of research supports this, says Alexander. He recommends the book Magnificent Sex for those curious to know more. As we mature, we can become more focused on the relational and spiritual aspects of relationships rather than just the physical, he says. And for some, as we age, there is an increased sense of sexual freedom. 'We can worry less about making “mistakes” and move past fears of judgement,’ Alexander explains.

Ageing can bring physical challenges that impact romantic relationships – hormonal changes, aches, pains or feeling less confident in your appearance – but that doesn’t have to spell out the end of your love life. For women, for example, hormonal changes can affect lubrication. ‘There are plenty of products out there that can help make sex more comfortable and enjoyable’, says Tiare. For men, erectile issues can also be managed with medication. If body changes are holding you back, it’s time for a mindset shift. ‘We’re more than our bodies,’ says Tiare. ‘You’re not just a physical being. It’s about embracing this new phase as an adventure.’

The power of touch and emotional closeness can’t be underestimated; studies have shown being intimate when older reduces loneliness and improves emotional well-being. Tiare explains why, ‘Physical intimacy can foster closeness and boosts self-esteem. It also releases feel-good hormones like serotonin and oxytocin, which help with vitality, energy levels and even chronic pain.’

Starting a new relationship later in life? Don’t be afraid to have an open discussion about sex, says Alexander. Talk through your desires and expectations and how to incorporate them into your relationship. ‘That needs to be a prioritised conversation,’ says Alexander. But remember, it doesn’t mean it has to be at the forefront of every relationship. ‘Some people might feel it’s not as important anymore, and that’s fine too. But whatever the situation, it’s important to discuss it,’ he says.

Whether you’re navigating a new relationship, dealing with physical changes, or looking to reignite that spark, one thing is clear: sex can be enjoyable at any age. As Tiare and Alexander explain, the keys to a fulfilling relationship at any age are open communication, self-acceptance and a willingness to embrace new experiences. With the right mindset, your romantic journey can continue to flourish and bring joy throughout your golden years.