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Splitting the bill - what ‘going Dutch’ says about modern dating | November 2024
Who pays? Why splitting the bill matters
The idea of 'going Dutch' — where each person pays their way on a date— has become a pretty hot topic at Compatico, especially with the cost of living influencing almost every part of our social lives. But splitting the bill isn't just about saving a few dollars; it also reflects big changes in how we see relationships, gender roles and financial equality. As relationship expert Tiare Tolks puts it, 'The topic of ‘going Dutch’ is interesting because it touches on the sensitive subject of changing gender roles and equality in relationships.'
Dating today looks a lot different than it did for previous generations. 'Nowadays, it is not uncommon for the person you date to be in the same financial position as you. That said, don't assume their view of "who pays" has,' says Tiare.
While gender equality has advanced significantly in the workplace and education, traditional views around 'who should pay' on a date still linger. A 2019 survey of 300,000 singles showed that 63% of men believe they should pay on the first date, with 46% of women agreeing.
Talking about money shouldn’t be taboo in dating. Another 2019 survey found that more than two-thirds of couples agreed they should talk about money matters within the first six months of dating.
What is the best way to handle this? Tiare suggests keeping it simple and just talking about it. 'Be brave and raise the topic on the date and well before you get to the counter. I think it makes for a really interesting date conversation,' she says.
Talking about who's paying does more than just settle the bill — it gives you a chance to learn a bit more about each other's values and perspectives. 'Having the conversation will clarify mutual expectations and it will tell you something about your date's values in relation to gender, finances and equity, as well as their views about societal change,' Tiare explains.
In the end, there's no single right answer. Whether you go Dutch, take turns, or stick with tradition, what matters is that both people feel respected and on the same page. So, next time you're out on a date, consider bringing it up — it might just lead to a deeper connection.
If you’d like more help in navigating the modern dating world or just want to know more about our matchmaking service, book a 15-minute chat with one of our team here. Happy dating!