Single dads and dating: Embracing new beginnings (with a dash of wisdom)

With Father's Day around the corner, it's time to celebrate all the amazing dads out there - including those ready to dive back into dating. At New Zealand's premium matchmaking agency, Compatico, we understand that this step can feel both exciting and a bit daunting, especially if you have a few more birthday candles on your cake than you did last time around.

In this blog, our relationship expert, Tiare Tolks, shares her advice for those considering a return to the dating scene, including potential benefits, challenges you may encounter, and tips for navigating this new chapter successfully.

Returning to the dating world as a mature single can bring many positive changes to your life. A big one is support.

'In a healthy relationship, the emotional and practical support that develops enables you to tag team the load of running a household and all that entails,' says Tiare. 'And obviously, finding a new partner can mean finding a new buddy to share your joys, pastimes, worries, and big events.'

There is also a plethora of health benefits. People in fulfilling relationships often live longer, have fewer health issues, and experience a slower onset of dementia.

'We know for sure that our relational well-being and happiness go hand in hand. When our relationships are healthy, we feel better within ourselves,' says Tiare.

Dating can also open new life outlooks. Being in a relationship can help you stay open to new perspectives and activities. You might discover new interests and hobbies through your partner.

For those of you with younger children, dating can also offer a positive role model example. 'Showing that it's possible to work through loss and find love again sets a good example for your kids,' Tiare points out.

For older children, yes, they might be surprised to see their dad stepping back into the dating game again, but it's a reminder that their parent is not just a parent but an individual with their own needs and desires for companionship.

While dating has many benefits, it's not without challenges, notes Tiare. A big one is fear of rejection. 'It's natural to feel nervous about putting yourself out there again. Authenticity is key, no matter how long you've been away from the dating scene,' says Tiare.

Trust issues from past relationship experiences could arise. However, it's important to remember that not everyone will repeat past mistakes.

The thought of getting intimate again can understandably be nerve-wracking, but a lot of how you feel comes down to confidence, says Tiare. 'You might worry about your desirability after being out of the dating scene for a while. Confidence is attractive at any age, so notice how you feel, name your fears and doubts, but don't let them hold you back,' she says.

Particularly for widowers, there might be feelings of guilt about moving on. Feeling this way is normal. Following a passing, finding new love doesn't diminish past lost loves.

Then there's what's so commonly named 'the baggage'. Tiare cautions, 'Make sure you've processed any past relationship issues or losses before starting a new one,' she says. 'Unprocessed experiences and hurts can manifest unhelpfully in a new relationship.'

Consider how the relationship develops even if there's a strong initial connection. 'Regardless of how you feel, even if there is a high chemical buzz at the beginning, resist the temptation to launch in boots and all from day one,' Tiare recommends. Slowing things down can help build a strong foundation, avoid rushed decisions and foster a genuine connection.

Take care to maintain your independence. 'Make sure that you've got your own things happening,’ says Tiare.

Keep the lines of communication open with your adult children. 'Talking openly about your dating plans can help ease any concerns; be honest about your intentions and listen to their concerns. This can help diffuse any tension or discomfort they might feel about your dating.

When it comes to introductions, even if things are going well, it can be sage to hold off making big family introductions until the relationship is more serious. 'Be sure about your commitment to your new relationship before integrating it into your family life,' Tiare advises.

Self-reflection is a big part of staying emotionally healthy, says Tiare. 'Identifying and validating your emotions is important,' she says. 'If you feel like you're avoiding or feeling anxious about something, then it's probably worth seeking support, like getting professional help.' A therapist or counsellor can provide valuable tools for managing anxiety and building healthy relationships.

In the second chapter of life, finding the right avenues for meeting someone new can come with its own challenges. ‘In the second chapter of their lives, individuals often meet new people through familiar methods such as mutual friends, going to bars, or dating apps,’ says Tiare. ‘The renaissance in matchmaking offers a new but also really personable way to meet people. This emerging trend focuses on creating meaningful connections, making it easier to find a partner who aligns with one's values and desires.’

If you're ready to take the next step in your dating journey, let Compatico's expert matchmakers help you find the lasting and fulfilling connection you deserve. Contact us today to learn more about our personalised matchmaking service.