Shared values matter in a relationship. But does that mean you need to tick the same box on election day? Our latest Politics & Dating survey gave us plenty to think about.
Would you think twice about dating someone because of the party they vote for? Or would you want to hear a little more before deciding? At Compatico, politics is one of the things we ask about during onboarding. Getting to know someone means understanding what matters to them, including how important it is that a potential partner shares their political views. So we were curious to hear from Kiwi singles more widely. Does politics hold much weight when it comes to choosing a partner?
In our recent online survey of over 150 New Zealanders, more than nine in ten respondents named at least one political party whose voters they would think twice about dating. And 29% said they had actually rejected someone, stopped dating them or decided not to pursue them because of their political views.
Those findings tell us politics can influence who we give a chance. But our take? There's more to compatibility than a party name.
Shared values and a shared vote aren't quite the same thing
The way someone votes can tell you something about their priorities. It just won't necessarily tell you everything. People arrive at their political choices for different reasons. Someone might feel strongly about a particular policy, see an issue through the lens of their profession, or have voted the same way for years. Two people can also want a similar outcome while having different ideas about how to get there.
I had a conversation recently that brought this to life. I was speaking with someone whose politics differed from my own, and I was struck by his explanation of why he voted that way. He wanted a society where people had the opportunity to succeed, and he believed his vote supported that.
It was remarkably close to how I'd describe my own reasons for voting. We disagreed on the approach, but there was common ground in what we hoped to achieve. A party label alone would have missed that. That doesn't mean every political difference hides a shared value. It does mean a conversation can tell you more than an assumption.
Some differences carry more weight than others
Of course, there are issues where "agree to disagree" might not feel possible.
In our survey, women's rights, abortion, gay rights, trans rights, and Te Tiriti and co-governance were the issues respondents most often identified as dealbreakers if a partner's views differed from their own. Tax was named least often.
For many people, these subjects connect directly to their identity, rights, family or lived experience. A disagreement can feel deeply personal. Being open-minded doesn't mean setting aside something fundamental to you. It means understanding what the difference actually is before deciding what it means for a relationship.
There's a distinction between someone who has a different view on a policy and someone whose beliefs leave you feeling that an important part of your life or identity is not respected. You're allowed to take that seriously.
Get curious about the person behind the opinion
My reading of the responses was that much of the hesitation centred on people with markedly opposing worldviews. A little political difference wasn't necessarily the concern. That's a useful question to bring into your own dating life: are our values fundamentally different, or do we simply disagree about some things?
You don't need to turn a first date into a political interview. But if the subject comes up, try asking:
"What matters most to you when you decide how to vote?"
"What experiences have shaped that view?"
"Which issues do you feel most strongly about?"
Then give yourself room to listen. The aim is to understand the person sitting across from you, without needing to persuade them to your side. You might discover common ground. You might confirm that a difference is too significant for you. Either way, you'll be making that decision with a better understanding of who they are.
Notice how you disagree, too
A political conversation can also reveal something useful about how the two of you handle differences. Can you both listen without interrupting? Ask questions without belittling each other? Accept that the other person may leave the conversation with the same opinion they arrived with?
I often say that being able to disagree in a mature way is a great sign of a healthy relationship. Compatibility is not about agreeing on everything.
A shared vote won't tell you how someone responds when you challenge them, or whether they make room for your perspective. Pay attention to those things alongside the opinion itself.
Leave a little room to be surprised
One of the unexpected things I've enjoyed about my role at Compatico is meeting people with very different political views and discovering how much we still connect over. We see that in matchmaking, too. Plenty of our members have been happily matched with someone who votes differently.
Our advice is to know which values you need to share, stay curious about the differences you can live with, and look at how someone treats you and others. Politics is part of a person. Give yourself the chance to discover the rest.
About the research: Compatico's online survey ran in September and October 2026 and received over 150 responses. The findings reflect those respondents' views and should not be read as representative of all New Zealand singles.
About the author: Elise Dalrymple-Keast is Owner and Matchmaker at Compatico. If you’d like to discuss how matchmaking could work for you, get in touch with us.