Is it embarrassing to have a boyfriend?

Why “Uncool” Isn’t the Whole Story

Recently, Vogue posed a bold argument: that having a boyfriend (or any significant other) is ridiculously uncool right now. Independence is in, relationships are out, and if you do have a partner—you definitely shouldn’t be posting about them online.

It’s a fun take. It taps into a cultural moment that celebrates self-sufficiency, solo travel and the quiet confidence of being intentionally single. But as the owner of one of the largest matchmaking agencies in Aotearoa, I can tell you, hand on heart: that’s not the full story.

Modern independence is real, and it’s wonderful

One thing Vogue got right?
Women (and men) in 2025 are not looking for relationships out of necessity. They’re not financially dependent. Their lives are full, really full.

The people we speak with every day at Compatico are thriving:
• Travelling often
• Deeply connected with friends and whānau
• Prioritising exercise, hobbies, and wellbeing
• Advancing in their careers or building businesses
• Comfortable with their own company

Almost every person tells us some version of:
“I don’t need a partner — if someone comes along, they’d need to be pretty special.”

Many want things to move slowly. They’re not rushing. They’re not settling. They’re not trying to tick a box. This is a fantastic shift. We’re living in a time where people aren’t pressured to couple up for survival or social approval, where your worth isn’t tied to your relationship status. That’s something to celebrate.

So… if no one “needs” a partner, why are people still joining matchmaking agencies?

One word: Companionship.

Because even the most independent, self-assured, well-travelled, socially fulfilled people still want to share life with others, specifically a partner.

In your teens and early twenties, companionship is everywhere. Flatmates, university, early work life, big social circles, big parties. But as we age, those circles shrink: friends start pairing off, socialising becomes more planned than spontaneous (and oriented around couples), work relationships become more professional - especially the more senior you rise. These factors culminate into the perfect storm of it being really jolly hard to meet a potential significant other organically. 

Single life has many upsides. I myself would infinitely prefer to be happily single than in a relationship that didn’t serve me. But singledom can also be draining: the Sunday afternoons that feel too quiet; making every big life decision alone; being solo at every event; not travelling certain places because you don’t have someone to share it with.

And while Instagram might be loudly declaring that relationships are passé, nobody is posting the reality of involuntary solitude — those small, quiet moments that don’t look aesthetic enough for a grid. 

So, is having a boyfriend uncool?

On the internet? Maybe.
In certain corners of TikTok? Sure.
In glossy headlines? Absolutely.

But in the real world — where people wake up, go to work, book holidays, fold laundry, juggle families, chase fulfilment, try to stay healthy, and navigate life — having someone by your side isn’t embarrassing. It’s connection. And as long as humans remain social creatures, companionship will never go out of style.

So yes, stay independent. Build a full life. Be self-sufficient, confident, and whole. But if you’d love someone to share that life with? You’re not uncool. You’re honest.

And honestly, that’s the most attractive thing of all.