How to nail your first date

Let's be honest: first dates can feel nerve-wracking. But they don't have to be. The key is less about impressing someone and more about being yourself. Whether you've been set up through Compatico or you've finally said yes to that person who's been asking you out for months, these tips will help you turn that nervous energy into a great first date experience.

Before the Date: Set Yourself Up to Win

Stop trying to be "perfect" because honestly, it's not attractive. Perfect doesn't exist, and even if it did, it would be incredibly dull. That slight awkwardness when you spill your coffee? Endearing. That nervous laugh? Charming. Authenticity beats perfection every time.

Location:

Choose a date idea that actually lets you talk, not shout. We love beach walks, coffee dates, or anything that doesn't require yelling over background noise. Sure, restaurants are classic, but they can feel a bit high-pressure both financially and socially. And let's not even get started on the "who pays?" conversation. Pick something low-key and low cost where you can actually hear each other and the conversation can flow naturally. If all goes well, you can opt for a nice dinner on date two, but keep things low pressure for the first meet.

Clothing:

Put your best foot forward, but make sure you still feel like you. Wear clothes that make you look and feel great (and comfortable) and are appropriate for the activity you will be doing together. Looking well put-together for a first date doesn’t mean wearing your fanciest or most expensive clothes; it’s more about wearing clothes that are ironed, fit well, and are a colour and style that suits you. If you’re unsure what looks good on you, an hour or two with a stylist can be an impactful investment.

Grooming:

As with clothing, stick to a style that is appropriate for the occasion and you know suits you. Before a first date is not the time to try out a perm or copious amounts of hair gel for the first time. You want to feel comfortable and confident in the look, not self-conscious of something you’re still getting used to. For men: a tidy hairstyle/hair cut and tamed facial hair goes a long way. Oh and whatever you do, wear deodorant. We tend to sweat more than usual on first dates, and bad body odour is avoidable with a bit of forward-planning (we actually recommend keeping a spare deodorant in a handbag/glovebox).

To stalk or not to stalk:

We get it: safety is a huge concern. When you’re meeting people from the apps, it’s completely understandable to do a quick check of someone’s socials or internet presence to ensure they’re not a catfish. However having a preconceived view of someone formed by an hour of extensive Google and social media deep-dives robs you of the opportunity to get to know someone naturally. The version we see of people online is either their professional self or highly curated self and has little to do with what they’re like to date. At Compatico, we do a police check on every member so we actually recommend not doing extensive research on the person before you’ve met them. By all means be safe: tell someone who you’re meeting, when and where, but other than that, let them tell their own story instead of you already knowing their entire life history before you've ordered your first coffee.

Mindset:

Go in curious, not outcome-obsessed. The first date is about gauging someone’s vibe, not sharing your whole life story nor learning theirs. Too often people walk into a first date with the expectation that it is the sole opportunity to know if someone is the one they’re looking for. In reality, the purpose of the first date is to see if you have a nice enough time to go on a second and third date. It’s on the later dates where you get a more accurate indication as to someone’s character. Therefore on the first date, instead of walking in with a mental checklist (must be 6'2", love hiking, be a doctor or lawyer, own property), focus on the fundamentals. Do we share similar values? Do I enjoy their company? Can I see myself having another conversation with this person? And remember, it's only a first date. You're not signing a mortgage together. Take the pressure off.

During the Date: Build Chemistry, Not a Resume

Ask questions:

One of the biggest mistakes we see on the first date is one party only talking about themselves and not asking the other person enough questions. Ask things like ‘what are you excited about this year?” and “what do you do for fun?”. If someone mentions their work, you can follow up with ‘what do you do for work?’ but don’t lead with a question about work unprompted on the first date. Keep questions open-ended and fun, and for goodness sake if someone asks you a question, make sure you ask it back to them. A good conversation should feel like a tennis match, not a solo speech.

Flirting – how do you do it?

For some, flirting comes naturally. For others, they find themselves wondering how they have so many friends of their romantically preferred gender but never seem to be able to cross the bridge out of the friend zone. For flirting to feel natural,  you need to find your rizz! For those wondering, "rizz" is Gen Z slang for charisma or charm. It's basically your ability to attract someone through conversation and presence. Think playful banter, genuine compliments, and warmth. You don't need to be a smooth operator, just bring your authentic self to the table.

Body language

Read the room and know when to lean in and when to pull back. If they're leaning in, mirroring your body language, and laughing at your jokes? Great, keep going. If they're checking their phone or giving one-word answers? Maybe dial it back a notch. Pay attention to the signals they're giving you.

Ending Strong: Leave Them Wanting More

Keep first dates short and sweet.

Think of the first date as a teaser, not the full movie. Our matchmakers are big believers in repeat exposure. Multiple shorter interactions often build better connections than one marathon session. Hold something back. The first date is only a taste. Time box it to a couple of hours, but lock in a time for a second date at the end of the first date. Make the second date closely after the first date (ideally no more than 4 days), and plan for the date itself to be longer. This way, you’re giving yourself the opportunity for multiple exposures to a person without it dragging out for weeks. Within one week, you have the opportunity to have 2-3 dates with the one person and therefore have an accurate idea as to whether they’re the person for you.

Post-date texting:

Between dates, make sure you touch base with the person to let them know you had fun — ideally within the first 12 hours of the first date. The day before your second date, touch base with them again via txt to let them know you’re looking forward to meeting up. If you have to wait longer than a few days between dates, make sure you check in with them every few days to ask how their day was. However it’s very important that you leave them space to reply to you. No triple texting.

If you really don’t want to meet up again:

While we always recommend having 2-3 dates with someone before you make up your mind, sometimes you do know instantly that someone isn’t for you. It’s very important that you let them know respectfully that you enjoyed meeting them, but you don’t see anything romantic happening between you. You can do this at the end of the date in person or via txt. Do not simply disappear without communication. Check-in: if you find yourself going on lots of first dates and rejecting people based off the single interaction, it may be a sign that you need to trial the 2-3 dates approach.

There you have it, your blueprint for first date success. Now go forth, be yourself, and remember: the right person will like you for who you are.