10 top tips for finding love after 40

Over the years, I've helped countless individuals navigate the exciting yet sometimes challenging dating world, especially for those 40-plus. Now, I'm sharing my top 10 tips for those returning to the dating scene. We know it can feel like a whole new ball game out there, especially if you’re using online dating apps! These insights come from my extensive experience with those I've helped find meaningful connections. So, park the checklists and the profile clichés and read on to see how you can navigate the modern dating landscape better.

Ditch the clichés. The naff ones like "I'm looking for my partner in crime." Be more specific. So instead of saying "I love wining and dining" consider saying "I enjoy working my way through the 50 cheapest eats that the Metro puts out every year." Think about what you stand for regarding your values. Are excitement and challenge important, or are adventure and learning more meaningful? At Compatico, our expert Matchmakers spend time interviewing you and crafting authentic and engaging profiles about each of our members to reflect who they really are.

If someone is kindling even the smallest amount of interest for you, go for it. And if something is holding you back, name the feeling and do it anyway. I'm encouraging you to have an open and curious mindset. If there's anything remotely interesting about this person, what have you got to lose? See it as an opportunity to learn something else.

Define what you want and be clear about that. It will help you assess whether someone's going to be right for you or not. If you're interested in a genuine, serious, long-term relationship and your date only wants a situationship, it will probably not be a great match for you.

Not only will your checklist of preferences limit your dating pool, but it will also narrow your way of thinking. I remember one friend who told me about a guy she met. At first, he was the complete opposite of what she thought she liked. She likes tall men. She likes slim men. He was short and cuddly and thinning on top. But he was extremely funny and kind. And by date four, she was madly into him. But it took four dates to work that out.

Understanding your flaws and foibles will keep you open to a genuine connection.

Does ghosting align with the person you want to be? Proper communication and closure are good for the integrity and well-being of both parties. The best way to end the connection is to be kind and honest in a time-sensitive way. Ending a relationship or connection is best done face-to-face or via the phone. If you have only been in text contact, it's also best to end it this way.

It's almost inevitable, so instead, reframe the situation. Finding the right partner is complex. So many factors have to line up—the practical factors, the emotional factors, the relationship goal factors, and the values. All those stars have to align for it to be a match. Accept that rejection is part of the journey.

Observe your mind and notice what thoughts are coming up. Are the first things that you think about on a date, "Oh, he's not blonde. I prefer blonde men." Or, "Oh, he isn’t wearing a suit." Just notice what your mind is assessing. Keeping an open mind is crucial because it allows you to engage with the person in front of you truly.

Are you listening to learn about this person, or are you listening to judge? When meeting someone new, just listening to someone lets you understand their perspective, experiences and values. This encourages curiosity, empathy and openness – the foundations of meaningful relationships. Judging creates barriers and makes a date more about assumptions or evaluations rather than a genuine connection.

Understand what caused your emotional scars. Unacknowledged fears can result in self-sabotage, emotional shutdown and the need to find excuses to avoid attachment. For example, looking for every reason under the sun to reject a date including a person’s physical “imperfections”, judging someone for banal reasons, or being too busy and unavailable to go on a second date with someone you quite fancy. These are all unconscious self-protective behaviours but are ultimately self-sabotaging and keeping you from your goal of companionship!

At Compatico, we're here to support you in your journey to find love after 50. If you’d like more help in navigating the modern dating world or just want to know more about our matchmaking service, book a 15-minute chat with one of our team here. Happy dating!